It’s all fun and games until you’re locked in a heated argument with your significant other. And so you find yourself turning for advice, asking how to save a relationship. You’re in luck! This guide can help you fix the trouble in paradise.
Hollywood showed us the magic of being in a relationship, but the enforced imagery pales in comparison to real life. Nothing beats loving and receiving love from someone in return.
No matter how dreamy the actors may be, your significant other is in another league. They are your closest confidant, cheerleader, plus one, and lover all rolled in one. You are blissfully happy and incredibly blessed when you are one-half of a smooth-sailing relationship.
But of course, a coin has two sides. Or if you’re into the whole cosmos or philosophical concept—it is yin and yang. Happiness and sadness are two contradicting emotions that somehow balance each other out.
As much as you wish for nothing but better days, there’s always a time when your partner isn’t you<sr favorite person. You’ll have misunderstandings, and these fights may escalate from slight disagreements or cold wars to full-on shouting matches.
Fighting with your significant other doesn’t make you feel good, so how come it is an expected and even a natural part of a relationship? And when you do fight, how do you resolve it? Can you go back to who you were after a disastrous argument?
There’s a lot to unpack, so make yourself comfortable and read up this guide detailing how to save a relationship.
How to Save a Relationship: Trouble in Paradise
People around are quick to sniff out a fight between couples. “Trouble in paradise?” they’ll ask with knowing smiles and a certain smugness that may even irritate you at times.
Yes, trouble in paradise. As the phrase implies, it is any problem or misunderstanding that derails your otherwise happy and loving marriage or relationship.
The reasons behind these fights vary, but, there are three common problems every couple face at one point:
The irrational need to bring up the past is especially strong in the early days of your romance. Unintentionally, for some, it leads to a little jealousy as they imagine what their partner must be like with their ex.
If not the past lovers, there’s a handsome new workmate or a lovely addition to a class or club. You become jealous, but this jealousy is unfounded.
Repeated accusations, especially when it is untrue, can easily irk the accused. So, it’s best to erase this jealousy.
Too little time
Too little time (or none at all) to get intimate, enjoy date nights, or to catch up and recharge is also a leading cause for disagreements. You don’t see each other that much, and the need for the aggrieved party to vent out is intense.
As for the person who’s doing the “abandoning,” they can’t help but feel wronged because they were only doing their best to survive the day. They are tired, and instead of wrapping their arms around a comforting lover, they’re face-to-face with an unreasonable and inconsolable partner.
If you’re a married couple or two lovers who split the household bills, the issue of money may be a cause of your disagreements. Money is a need, and the lack of it makes us sensitive
Partners experiencing quite a disparity salary-wise may also find themselves in a bind. And it’s not even like the person earning more is at fault! Feelings of not being enough, jealousy (that they can’t be high-rollers, too), and insecurity may swirl inside the mind and heart of the partner who receives a smaller pay.
Why it is good to argue once in a while?
Take note of the keyword: once in a while. Fighting your beloved almost every day is a sure-fire sign that maybe you’re not romantically compatible and better off as acquaintances. If this is you and your current beau, maybe it is better to call it quits and wish each other all the best. Maybe you’re destined for other people.
So, why is it good to argue once in a while? We give you three good reasons why:
It means you care
You always have a choice when it comes to an argument: walk away or argue. If you chose to walk away instead of speaking to your partner (especially when they seem ready to discuss the topic), it somehow shows that you no longer have the will or the care to try and make it work.
Talking it out than bottling it in
And in the same vein of making it work, talking it out shows that you are willing to vent your frustrations and concerns. You’re ready to be vulnerable, which means you’re also willing to let your partner in your life.
Honesty over a one-time eruption
Even the Earth releases its “stress” by generating small earthquakes. Won’t you agree you’d rather have earthquakes with intensities that don’t register in the Richter scale over catastrophic ones? Well, we’re going for the latter option—always.
For couples, it’s better to have small quarrels that you can resolve almost immediately. These little disagreements are better because you are most likely addressing an issue or two when you bicker, making it easier to understand and forgive each other.
Huge rifts, meanwhile, are born from disagreements that were left unspoken. You bottle it in, put on a tight lid, and pretend that everything’s under control. But you are a ticking time bomb. Every time you try and shrug a problem off, it piles up until the rift is too broad that no amount of dialogue can mend it.
Yes, disagreements are healthier than bottling it in. But, we can’t deny that getting into one is pretty taxing.
How to Save a Relationship: The Three Simple Fixes
Quarrels are already draining as is, so why give out complicated relationship advice? How to save a relationship? These three “simple” fixes do the trick.
Identify the problem
How can you create solutions when you don’t even know what’s wrong? Assuming the issue without consulting your partner first can sometimes lead to disastrous results—what if you are lightyears away from the real deal? What if there’s no problem at all?
In fixing any relationship, always find out the root of the problem. Sure, it is helpful to self-evaluate and list down all of the issues you suspect may be causing this rift. But ultimately, you have to discuss your findings with your partner since it takes two to tango.
Communicate, communicate, communicate!
We already established the need to discuss if the issues you had in mind were correct. But open communication between partners is essential, with or without a fight.
In case you were quarreling, always ask each other if you’re ready to discuss with a clear head. Don’t let the emotions get the better of you. Apart from your feelings, mind your ears as well. Listen, not for rebuttal’s sake, but mostly because you want to understand why this issue is happening.
Your significant other may also have concerns they would like to air out; don’t argue and let them speak it out. Be appreciative that your partner brought these issues to your attention. Their active participation means that they, too, wondered how to save a relationship. In short, they are willing to work it out and find a solution.
Put love at the forefront
Love is what made you say yes to date or marry your significant other. You may bicker and cry, but never let these trivial matters rip apart the love and respect you have for each other.
Moreover, even with the tiniest hint of love, the sourest relationship can turn into lasting and happy endings.
We enclosed simple in quotation marks because these three steps are sometimes easier said than done. Still, these are like the shampooing process of lather, rinse, repeat: it’s a tested and proven cycle.
No matter how small or big the problem may be, these three fixes will come in handy.
Going the Extra Mile
Instead of asking how to save a relationship, why don’t you try asking, “What can I do to strengthen the love?”
Going the extra mile for the person who stole your heart is a promising way. How? We’re glad you asked.
Speak your partner’s love language
In case you aren’t familiar, here’s a crash course on Gary Chapman’s 1992 hit.
We have a dominant love language or the ways we share and experience romantic love. There are five love languages:
- Words of affirmation (spoken affection, praises, and verbal appreciation)
- Quality time (devotion as undivided and undistracted attention)
- Acts of service (showing your love through actions)
- Receiving gifts (gifting as a sign of love)
- Physical touch (other than sex, love is felt through kissing, hugging, hand-holding and the likes)
Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to be genuinely loved by another, to know a love that grows out of reason and choice, not instinct.Gary Chapman, Author of The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate
His method suggests that we can make our partner the happiest if we express our affection through his or her dominant love language. Targeting the wrong love language (buying them gifts when all they wanted was for you to praise them, for example) is fine, but they won’t be satisfied as much, unlike when you expressed your care using their preferred way.
Learn your own love language as it will also help you share your needs with your partner. Honestly, it’s a win-win situation.
At one point in your relationship, you said no to things or activities your other half wanted to do or get as a couple. Of course, we all should have boundaries, but we often mistake our non-negotiables with our comfort zone.
Think about it. Was there a funky piece he wanted to buy (because it weirdly reminds him of you), but you said no because it clashes with the decor? Or did she share she wants to try out couples yoga, but you shook your head because it was not your thing?
If it makes your lover happy, learn to venture out of your box. You may be surprised; sometimes, our significant other knows us all too well, more than we could ever imagine.
Create and complete a couple’s bucket list
There’s this feeling of immense satisfaction when we tick something off our to-do list. It’s even more thrilling when the items you’re crashing out are something you have always wanted to do.
Now that you’re in a relationship, why don’t you create a bucket list together?
Include activities you always wanted to do (from the most mundane to insane), milestones you want to achieve together, and simple or everyday things you just have to try (trying out other culture’s food could be one).
Having a couple’s bucket list gives you something to look forward to, and the effort needed to accomplish it motivates both of you. It’s also an excellent opportunity to bond and get to know each other even better.
To cap it off
Occasionally getting into fights with your lover is a sign that you are in a healthy relationship—one where both parties are actively involved and willing to make it work.
Still, even if it is reasonable and natural, lover’s quarrels can be draining. It may also create a permanent and damaging rift to your love connection if you let it go unresolved for far too long. So, don’t wait until it is too late to resolve.
Three simple fixes are all it takes to patch up disagreements and move on.
For starters, always make sure you’re finding out the leading cause of the issue at hand and that you are in an amicable and objective discussion with your sweetheart. Make sure you also resolve every conflict by keeping in mind the love and mutual respect you nurtured together. Remember these three steps, and you wouldn’t have to ask how to save a relationship.
Ultimately, the best relationship advice to avoid or fully get over a disagreement is to put in the effort. For your beloved, never hesitate to go the extra mile.