Secret Relationships: Fun Or Disaster

When you love someone you’re not afraid to let the world about it. So how come secret relationships happen? Sure, it’s mysterious and appealing but are they really what they seem to be?

Secret relationships
(c) Kristina Flour | Some relationships are meant to be a secret. The question is, why?

Secret relationships are often mistaken as the couples’ way of keeping their relationships private. They choose not to reveal their relationship status and intentionally hide if from people they know.

Couples who believe that hiding their relationship keeps people especially their family at bay and prevent them from passing judgment about it. Why they do this could be because of a lot of different reasons that only the two of them understand.

However, what most couples think as being private, is actually seen as being secretive. Now there’s nothing wrong if you want your relationship a secret but you also have to understand what it means and the implications of a secret relationship. And more importantly, you have to know if your secret relationship can survive and thrive.

Understanding the difference: secrecy vs privacy

Keeping private relationships

Knowing the difference between secret relationships and private relationships can save you a whole lot of trouble, prevent unnecessary trust issues, and other problems that can potentially arise. And believe us, there is a great deal of difference between these two.

What are private relationships?

Privacy is an important aspect of any relationship and it doesn’t mean that you’re denying your relationship. It means that you’re keeping things under the radar so that you get the chance to solidify your relationship.

The common thing between famous couples Beyonce and Jay-z and Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyn is that they keep their relationship private. This means that they’re not hiding anything from the public, but they do have set boundaries and parameters on how much information they put out and share with the world.

When starting out in a new relationship, everyone will agree that keeping things in the down-low and see where it goes is the way to deal with it. It gives you minimal interference from people outside your relationship.

Benefits of a private relationship

When you choose to keep your relationship private, it means that you do not share everything about it to everyone. While you do hold back from sharing updates about your relationship, this isn’t a bad thing at all. Private relationships do benefit couples who choose to maintain their privacy. In the long run, couples will appreciate these benefits that they can get out of their private relationship.

It can help you solidify your relationship

Keeping your relationship private can help you strengthen your bond as a couple. You get to focus and work on your relationship together without the interference of other people around you.

It lessens the pressure of maintaining your #relationshipgoals posts

Not sharing everything on your social media or to other people keeps the pressure off of maintaining a “perfect relationship.”If you and your partner have decided to keep your relationship private, you know that you don’t have to post updates about how great your relationship is. You’ll be glad that you don’t overshare about your relationship all the time.

Coffee date

Not hiding your relationship with other people will help you build a strong foundation. It takes off the burden of keeping it a secret and it’ll allow you to be more relaxed while getting to know each other better

You get to sort your arguments and disagreements in private

Not at all times is your relationship going to be all happy and worry-free. There are times when you and your significant other would have disagreements and have big fights. Settling arguments is easy when you do it in private without the interference of other people who are privy to the status of your relationship.

You develop more genuine care and respect for each other

You get to foster these feelings especially when you’re not on the same page about how much you share with your friends and family about your relationship. In these situations, when you find that common ground and compromise, you respect each others’ privacy boundaries. Moreover, it shows not only your genuine care but also your respect for your partner’s feelings.

When starting out in a new relationship, everyone will agree that keeping things in the down-low and see where it goes is the way to deal with it. It gives you minimal interference from people outside your relationship.

Keeping your relationship’s privacy

It’s a consensus among the dating experts and scientists alike that secret relationships do not do you any good and a private relationship is a better alternative to have. But in this day and age of technological advancement, one’s declaration of love is often equated to social media posts and shout outs. Here’s how you can keep your relationship private:

Coming out of secrecy
Being open about your relationship to the people around you can be liberating. It takes the weight off your shoulders and you can be proud of your love for the world to see

  • Check the label and discuss your relationship. Defining the relationship can be scary and awkward, but at least you know your status and where you stand.
  • Keep certain things about your relationship just between the two of you. Issues such as your finances and sex should remain confidential and should be resolved by yourselves. Other things that you might want to keep mum about are your disagreements, family problems, your significant other’s insecurities and what you hate about them.
  • Any couples with goals for the future of their relationship should also refrain from oversharing it. You and your partner can work towards your goals together without being too loud about it.

What are the secret relationships?

Secret relationships, on the other hand, is the intent of keeping your relationship hidden from other people. This implies a tryst and involves sneaking around and lying about the status of your relationship. Furthermore, this is often interpreted as having side affairs or being ashamed of your partner.

Signs of secrecy

Sure, there are glaring signs that you cannot simply ignore when it comes to secret relationships. But sometimes, these signs are thought to be because you’re keeping your relationship private. To fully understand what secret relationships are, you should first know what being in a private relationship means.

Signs that you’re keeping your relationship a secret

  • Deliberately avoiding talking about your partner
  • Preferring not to reveal your relationship status to anyone
  • Going through all the trouble of keeping your romance under wraps
  • Ensuring that your romance is always on your terms

Signs that you are being kept secret in your relationship

  • There is no trace of you in any of their social media posts
  • You haven’t met any of his friends or family members
  • They are extremely against PDA—not even to hold hands in public
  • Your significant other doesn’t really spend a lot of time with you in public

How secret relationships affect you

Like any other decision you make in life, choosing to be in a secret relationship has its corresponding in your life. Its potential impact on your life depends on your reasons why you chose to be in it in the first place.

man and woman in secret relationship

Sneaking around, lying and deceiving the people close to you about your relationship can take a toll on your relationship

Positive impact on your relationship

Perhaps the only time that secret relationships work is when you’re keeping your romantic affair with a co-worker on the down-low. You don’t want your colleagues snooping around your love life.

When you are at work, the two of you are expected to behave and act as colleagues. You should be able to separate your personal and professional lives to avoid conflicts and complications. But other than helping out in your work situation, secret relationships helps you feel satisfied in your tryst.

At the onset of your romance, your secret relationship improves your relational satisfaction with each other. Your obsessive preoccupation with your romantic partner increases because of the thrill you feel from the relationship,

But make no mistake, the relational satisfaction that you feel dwindles overtime. You and your secret lover would feel the pressure of publicizing your relationship. This could lead to dissatisfaction and frustration from the two of you especially is either one is not ready to go public just yet.

Why secrecy doesn’t work
Secret couple
Couples in secret relationships often find themselves dissatisfied and anxious about it. (c) Henri Pham

Just like any side of the coin, secret relationships aren’t all that nice and cozy. It also has its fair share of negative effects on you and your partner. More than anything else, keeping your relationship secret undermines the romance and your relationship can be seen as burdensome.

Most couples in a secret relationship feel this way mostly because they think that:

Lack of support from family and friends

They do not have the support from the people who are important to them especially during those tough times in their relationship. When they need counsel and advice from those that they trust, they can’t run to them for help because of this secret.

Deception is too much to handle

The deception is taking a toll on both of you and adds to the stress of keeping the relationship a secret. Instead of being able to let it out, you only have yourselves to try to figure it out and work the relationship out for yourselves. And sometimes, people get tunnel vision and miss to see some other factors that affect the relationship.

Dissatisfaction creeps in

Both you and your romantic partner are not getting the same satisfaction as you did when the relationship started because the thrill of being in a secret relationship has already dissipated. You don’t get excited over the prospect of a tryst—sneaking out to make excuses is a chore and what once was thrilling, became worrisome.

Full of mistrusts and uncertainties

The relationship does not have enough or lacks trust and commitment from the two of you to make it public. You do not have enough faith in your relationship and in each other that it would work. And for you, keeping it a secret is the best thing to do because if it fails, you don’t have to deal with explaining to people why it did.

Going beyond
(c) neonbrand | There’s more to relationships than fun and thrill of keeping it a secret

It’s more than just secrets and thrill

Being in a relationship, in general, is not easy. It requires a great deal of commitment from the couple aside from just being in love. It has to be founded in honesty and trust for it to work. You don’t just enter a relationship with the person you’re dating without knowing for sure that you’re into them. You need to know for sure that you’re in it for all the right reasons.

So if you find yourself either being secretive about your relationship or the one being kept as a secret, ask yourself why? And evaluate whether you really want to be in that kind of relationship or not.

Have you been in a secret relationship? Comment down below and let us know your experience.

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