Breaking Up Sucks!
The reasons to break up seem endless which can get tiring emotionally as well as physically. You suddenly lose motivation, get lost in your routine, and feel all alone. Sleepless nights start to replace the cheesy late evening messages, your heart feels heavy, and you welcome almost anything to lessen the sadness—saying goodbye to the person you once shared happy moments with is heartbreaking, but you also understand that you both need the time and space to think through things, even if you crave making up with your ex!
We have all been there and we all know how it feels.
Breaking up sucks, but there’s a silver lining—not all breakups are forever. There are times when you split ways with a person, but along the way, you will both realize that you still want to work things out with them. A split is sometimes a breathing space to give the couple time to figure out what they want and realign their expectations of the relationship.
The Silver Lining that is Making Up
After the initial sting has worn off, it’s quite normal to want to move on to make up.
Surviving a break up makes your relationship stronger than ever before. The moment you realize that you want to make up with your partner, you don’t need to be at a loss. Making up is a lot of work, but it doesn’t have to be complicated. Just make sure that you are positively making up.
Even though people dream of getting an ex back, they tend to make it a much more complicated process than they have to.
Don’t start on the wrong foot by making the process a lot harder than it really is, because it all comes down to one thing: if you are still the type of person your ex likes to be with, then they will most probably take you back
Everything may look so messy in your head, but in reality, making up with your ex is easy as long as the affection and care are still there.
How to Make Up the Right Way
Start by making a decision. Here are some questions you can ask yourself as a jumpstart:
- How do you feel about this person now?
- Is the reason for your break up still a big deal to you?
- Are you willing to forgive and let go?
- Are you willing to accept and compromise?
- How much are you willing to compromise to be together?
- Is getting back together going to make you better individuals?
- Are you sincere in taking this person back into your life?
- Are you ready to put extra effort into getting in touch again?
If your answer mostly leads to you wanting to have a second chance at love with your ex, then you probably should head to the making up direction. But before you do that, there are a few roadblocks to consider to assure that you won’t hurt yourself the second time.
Making up is your ultimate goal but your priority should be protecting yourself from getting hurt again. Since human emotion is highly volatile, tons of patience and caution is required from you. Should you decide that it’s really over, you can always find other ways to distract your aching hear.
Signs my Ex still wants to Make Up or Not
There is really no problem in wanting to make up, but the conflict comes in making your ex to want to feel the same way as you. In any relationship, there should always be a mutual feeling for anything to happen.
Here are some signs you should heed to help you find out the slightest chance that your ex wants to make up with you:
- They stay in touch
Even if you have gone “separate ways,” they have not completely shut down the communication lines. They still talk to you for random reasons like you used to, or ask you for advice about something. Even if it’s not as big as when you are still together, they keep you in their life.
- They want to keep updated
Is your ex asking about your dating plans? Or if you are already seeing someone?
This can be a sign that they are not yet completely over you. This is the best time to strike—the time when the iron is the hottest.
- They do not avoid going to places where you might be
Depending on the length of your relationship, there is a high chance that you share a social circle. Your paths are bound to cross because of this, and they don’t avoid bumping into you. This means that they are open to having more interactions with you through these meetings.
How to Make Up the Right Way
Making up has two stages: the pre-make up and the actually making up stage. In the pre-make up stage, you try to lowkey win their feelings back. It is important that you do not force this stage to avoid scaring them away.
On the flipside, there is the actual make up stage where you work towards rebuilding what was lost and try to emotionally heal with your partner together.
The Pre-make up Stage
- Don’t rush things and appear desperate
Because they will smell it! If it is making up positively making up that you are after, show that you are willing to give them their space to think and think things through on their own.
You may be secretly, and slightly planning to win them back, but you have to make them believe that making up is their idea and decision for them to really want it.
- Keep it cool and easy
Take a vacation alone or with friends, away from your ex. It is important that you consciously remember how to have fun without your partner but as a single person. This will not only help create a strong image of you but will also make your ex feel that you are a better person than when you’ve had a breaking point.
- Create new experiences even as friends (for now)
If you really want to get your ex back, you will have to do everything so you can build a future together. This means doing new things so you can build happy memories, even as a friend. Even the smallest of enjoyment will add up when you. Over time your ex will link the positive feelings of these experiences to feeling positive about you and wanting you back. Keep the mood happy, light and positive. Above all, have fun together.
- Address the issue
Think about the real reason of your break up and address it on your own. It takes two to tango, and even if you believe in your heart of hearts that it was your ex’s fault, you should take a small piece of the blame and reflect on it on your own. This will help you think things through more clearly and ready you for critical conversations that may arise once you decide to patch things up.
- If you can, let them contact you first
The emotions are raw right after a break-up, so let them do what they want during the first few weeks. Do not offer to give their stuff back, but let them contact you for it. It may be hard to avoid the temptation of getting in touch with them, but this is for your well-being as well. Give your time to rest, reflect, and focus on your self during these painful times.
- Try the no-contact policy
This can be helpful if you’ve just recently broken up, but you already know that you still want to make up. A no-contact policy helps greatly to allow you both some time to think and miss each other. Make yourself irresistible by doing well and showing your ex that you are the right person for them.
Actual Make Up Stage
- Don’t argue
If you are trying to set the right tone, then do not argue. By this time, you should be beyond proving who is wrong or right, but rather be in the direction of fixing what was wrong. Arguing more triggers the wrong kinds of emotions for what you’re trying to accomplish. It conjures up negative associations that your ex will remember (consciously or subconsciously). It can also open up the scars that should have long been healed. You can either be right or you can be happy together, not both.
- Minimize the negative
One of the difficulties of trying to patch things up is that the past has to be brought up at some point. Something obviously went wrong and you need to be realistic about it. However, you have to be careful that you don’t increase the power of the negative that was there. Address them calmly and matter-of-factly. Be affectionate with your words and most of all be sincere. Do this by practising positive phrasing. You can always say anything and frame it in a positive or neutral way, without triggering negative emotions.
- Accentuate the positive
Not only are you trying to create new memories, but there must have been good times you shared together, as well. Even if they didn`t last long, you will do well to highlight them. Remember, the more positive your ex feels when they’re with you, the more positive they will feel about you.
- Be sincere
Your partner will feel if you are being sincere with your words, or you are just faking it. Avoid having interactions with them if you don’t feel like it. Making up should not be treated as an obligation but rather a mutual decision between two people who had a falling out and decided to be together again.
- Do not open old scars
Avoid doing this at all costs. This will only set off the mood in the worst direction possible. You are making up with a conscious effort to ask forgiveness to each other, and not to prove a point. Making up signals a fresh start and you don’t want to continue your relationship having your previous break up as its foundation.
Some Final Words
The key here is to not rush this; taking it easy will play out in your favor. Desperation is not attractive and will definitely drive them further away from you. Let them breathe in and breathe out all the emotions at play. They most like have negative feelings about what happened so you need to give them the time to heal, but most of all you need to trust them that they can go beyond these negative feelings with the help of their love for you.
The tips will work well for you if you focus on bringing out the good in your relationship, rather than pointing out what was wrong. You will have a better chance if you look at the good things that the relationship has brought for you. Letting go of things is a part of getting back together as you cannot get something without giving away something in return.
Relationships are not perfect, you are bound to experience a few ugly things along the way. But what makes relationships special is the willingness of a couple to stay together despite these differences.
Breaking up and making up is a reality that couples face, but remember that this should not be a cycle in your relationship. Do not let it be your normal. Rather, look at making up as your hope of a second chance each time the countless reasons for a break up knocks at your door.