Is your Marriage hitting bumps?
A relationship with a spouse is something that, like all relationships, needs to be worked on every day. It requires constant communication to nurture and help it grow. Your relationship with your spouse is considered your first offspring together, and it is as crucial to raising it as well as your real-life children — but common marriage problems are a part of it that you need to anticipate.
We all wish for a happily ever after, but this is easier said than done.
When you decide to tie the knot with your partner, you are not only making a promise to them, you are also making a promise to yourself—that you will finally settle down and spend the rest of your life with them no matter how hard.
To have rung the wedding bells is already a hard-enough journey, but to keep them ringing along the road is an entirely different battle.
The road to a happily ever after is not always plain and sure.
Sometimes, the road gets rough—even too rough for some. As a married couple, you are now burdened with a lot more considerations than when you were just exploring your relationship as boyfriends and girlfriends. The rocky road is the hidden but well-known part of the marriage contract, but getting some guidance will help you get some clarity.
Ways your Life Changes after Marriage
Marriage is a huge milestone in anyone’s life. It takes a great leap of faith to say “I do” in front of your beloved people and say your vows out loud. Naturally, your life will change after marriage which makes it more complicated when the problems start knocking at your love nest’s door. Listed below are some of the ways your life is changed after marriage:
You’ll spend money differently
The way you spend your money changes significantly after getting married. At the onset of your marriage, the idea of having a joint bank account comes in, no matter how weird it can make you feel. This is because you are aiming for a comfortable and sustainable future not only for yourself but also for your spouse.
Say goodbye to (most of your) privacy
As you can imagine, spending every day with a person under the same roof will open secrets about you–sometimes it can reach an extent you are unfamiliar with. They will see your deepest, darkest secrets, as you will with your spouse. This may seem terrifying, but most of the time it can actually be freeing to have someone who can hold these secrets with you.
The freedom of your time
The reality of this situation will hit you up the moment you already have children. You consider a lot of people when making a plan—especially a plan that only involves yourself. As a mother or a father, you try to multi-task with the time you have because there is so much to do for the household. This is the reason why it is an important thing for a married couple to get their space and occasional me-time to destress and loosen up.
Your legal responsibilities
Needless to say, the marriage contract binds you to a lot of legal responsibilities to your spouse. Marriage is not just bounded by love, it is also bounded by the laws of men which entail punishment when violated, or consequences when broken off.
Common Marriage Problems
This can start out small, and eventually snowball into an uncontrollable mess which infiltrates your whole relationship. It is also one of the most common marriage problems that couples face. Infidelity comes in the form of physical and emotional, but whichever one is committed is just as devastating as the other. Some people fall into temptation early on into the relationship for some reason, while others use infidelity as a form of escape when they hit a bump after being married for so long. Aside from being the most common, it is also one of the hardest to remedy because it directly ruins the foundation of every relationship which is trust. Once trust is tainted, it is difficult to clean it up.
Sexual problems can still occur even after marriage. What’s worse is that this mostly becomes a gateway for subsequently more marriage problems. The lowering of libido among married couples can be brought by a lot of things such as health factors. In other instances, sexual problems arise because of a misaligned sexual preference of a couple. Sex can be a different topic to work out altogether inside a relationship, but it is definitely one that should not be overlooked.
Studies show that most marriages that had a falling out involved money problems as the main triggering factor. Nothing can break a marriage faster than money. While spouses may continue to be giving, what they may actually do is start giving what they would like to receive, rather than what their spouse really wants. So, you have the receiver who is upset because he or she is getting something that is completely unwanted, and the giver is equally upset and offended because the seemingly precious gift is being rejected. This is the same case with bringing in money in the household.
When familiarity takes over romance
One of the most common occurrences in a marriage that has survived for a long time is that the spouses expect each other to behave as they did when they were but new lovers. If you reflect back to when you first met, your now-spouse, then new-love, was very different towards you— getting treated very special in a romantic way is very comforting and you like it. This, among other things that made you fall in love, maybe one of the reasons you decided to marry your spouse. But as familiarity makes you closer together, you start to feel like you are no longer that VIP you once were. As in other things, change is constantly going to be a part of your relationship.
When one of you expects the other to be your everything
It can be quite problematic the moment you start wanting your spouse to be your be-all and end-all; to complete you, and to keep you feeling loved and appreciated all the time. It is a common mistake to think that your marriage contract comes with this obligation because it does not. Despite being married and finally having someone you can call your better half; you are still responsible for your own happiness and find fulfillment outside of your marriage.
Trying to change each other
This is one of the common marriage problems as this is a symptom of unhealthy love. As married life settles in, the relationship with spouse evolves, and the day to day routine replaces a more impromptu lifestyle, you start to act like your spouse should be an extension of yourself in some way. A spouse who does this may think that they are doing their partner a favor but they are only creating wider gaps in the relationship.
When you expect your partner to be like you
It is a common misconception that to be compatible is to become similar in every way, but compatibility is actually your capacity to jive despite the many differences you have. There are some relatively easy ways to get over this behavior of expecting your spouse to be like you. First of all, you need to admit or recognize that you are doing it. It may have crept up on you so slowly and silently over the years, that you didn`t even realize it. The next step is to make sure you are communicating. Are you asking your spouse what he or she wants? Is he or she asking what you want? Or are you just assuming the answers based on your own desires and needs?
Strategies to Solve your Marriage Problems
When you first fell in love, you were genuinely happy to make sacrifices to please your new partner. So, you would gladly stay in when you wanted to go out dancing, or you would be happy to get up early to go jogging, even if you had a late night before. But as time wears on, you knowingly start doing again what you want to do, regardless if that is what your husband or wife would like.
There is no one-size-fits-all solution to your common marriage problems, but you can try out these remedies to ease the burden, or even open up a venue for communication with your spouse. Here are some tips:
- Always choose to love
- Start over from scratch
- Do not force your partner into a decision half-heartedly
- Surround yourselves with people in healthy relationships
- Stop taking them for granted
- Share your marriage life with family and friends
- Feeling stuck? Change your routine
- Counseling is cheaper than divorce, and it saves your marriage
- Evaluate with your partner every problem you encounter no matter how small
- Have some fun!
Your relationship with your spouse is valuable that has its own dynamics and trials. Reminding yourself that your spouse holds half the sky for you will make all the difference. Always find reasons to love, and if you find it, you gotta find more. Doing that allows you to enjoy the experience of loving another unique person, who can teach you a great deal if you just pay attention.